2 Genesis, Chapter 6 (Part 5) "Noah - how long can you tread water?" --Bill Cosby--
At last we come to 500+ year-old Noah and his good ship, Lollipop, or was it The Minnow? I forget, it's been a while --
As mentioned earlier, when Noah hit five hundred, he finally decided he'd like to try his hand at fatherhood and had three sons, Ham, Japheth and Shem (not to be confused with Larry, Moe and Shemp), who, by the time this chapter begins, are grown and have wives of their own (Ham, Japheth and Shem, not, - oh, you get it, I know you do --).
Noah's Three Sons
(don't ask me which is which!)
These guys really look like prime specimens with which to repopulate the Human race, don't they?
At any rate, that would safely establish Noah at somewhere between six and seven hundred years old at the time this chapter begins.
As also mentioned earlier, Arch-Bishop Ussher determined the Earth was 6,000 years old, and he dated the “flood” as having occurred in 2348 B.C.E. - doubtless his contemporary and fellow stat-geek, Sir John Light-foot, could have narrowed it down as to the time of day, but he didn’t offer that information and I didn’t ask.
Accepting this as completely established fact, it then stands to reason that we are, all of us - you, I, LL Cool J, George Lopez and Jackie Chan - direct descendants of those original three men. If they were Hebrew, so are we, but don’t expect me to suddenly rush out for a circumcision, cause that ain’t gonna happen!
As previously mentioned, the chapter begins with a gaggle of Jehova-Juniors beaming down to earth to troll the malls for Earthling nymphets. But sandwiched among those three verses, is another verse - completely out of context (but what else is new?) - that reads, Gen. 6:3: “Then the lord said: my spirit shall not always strive with Man, for that he also is flesh: yet His days shall be an hundred and twenty years.”
By implication, this god appears to be saying that he doesn't mind striving with someone who isn't flesh. There’s no indication as to where the reporter was hiding when He jotted down that remark. This section of the patchwork quilt concludes with the verse (6:4), related earlier, about there having been giants on the earth in those days.
There are some experts who believe the hundred-and-twenty year phrase to have been literal - that Man would no longer live for hundreds of years, but would settle in at a mere 120 - while others believe it meant another hundred and twenty years would pass before the holy hitman would massacre everyone. Flip a coin.
The next nine verses comprise a rant regarding how evil Man had become and how sorry this god was that he'd ever made us, which once again proves he was never omniscient, or he’d have seen it coming and saved us all a lot of trouble.
What is his obsession with controlling our behavior? If he is as superior to us as we are to ants, does no one ever wonder why we Humans don’t obsess over controlling the behavior of ants? I’m guessing it’s because we have better things to do.
So god regretted making Humans, and decided, in his infinite wisdom, to kill all of the other, totally innocent animals as well. He decided to flood the earth and destroy all life - I can imagine Flipper taunting (flippantly), “Hey, big guy - bring it on, let's see what you got!”
The imagination of this god seems severely limited - a species-specific virus would have resolved his Human problem without harming any other animals, but then, what would he do with the perfectly good, several-hundred-year old flood fable he had lying around, left over from Mesopotamia? Moses' ghostwriters, much like those who write for Network television, are rarely above recycling a good script.
But this god chose Noah to continue the species, though it isn't clear as to how he thought things were going to be any different a second time around.
Seriously, think about it - he began with Adam, fresh off the banana boat, totally pure and innocent, and in only ten generations (biblically-speaking), he had a world that, in his opinion, was so corrupt that it needed to be annihilated. It's like using an office copier - your original is perfect, but copy it, and you see a few flaws in the copy - copy THAT copy, and the flaws begin to multiply exponentially, the more you make copies of the previous copy. And this god clearly intended to start over using the tenth copy of a copy as his base. Someone once said that the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. I rest my case.
He created a covenant with Noah - a quid pro quo, so to speak - if Noah would perform a few minor tasks for this god, god would let Noah and His family live.
In the figure above, pay particular attention to that little, 18" X 18" window near the top - which, admittedly, is exactly according to the blueprints - as it will figure prominently in an upcoming chapter.
Then god instructed Noah, much as he had Utanapishtim, Atrahasis, and Ziusudra, hundreds of years earlier, as to how He should build an ark, giving precise dimensions, this time to include three-stories, a door, and the above-mentioned window. You have to wonder about a god who can create a universe, but can't zap an ark into being.
He explained his intention to destroy all life on the planet, specifically stating, (6:17) "...everything that is in the earth shall die."
But he told Noah that,
A Man with a stronger backbone might have said, "No. I've already lived 600 years, and if you're so cruel that you can drown innocent children, then I'd rather die with them than live and serve you." But as we shall see, god's picks of the litter - his "Chosen Ones" - are based more on the pliancy, than the strength, of their backbones.
Mark Twain, in his book, Letters from the Earth, offered a description of what Noah’s animal collection effort must have been like:
That's how organized religions stay in business in the light of overwhelming scientific evidence that - by provable facts - refute the outlandish claims of those religions to feats of magic by their gods - they convince the gullible that if they choose to prefer fact over fiction, reality over fantasy, it's because their faith is weak.
So with the truth neatly tucked away and our disbelief firmly suspended, let’s take another look at the Bible.
And now, back to you, Noah --
pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx
At any rate, that would safely establish Noah at somewhere between six and seven hundred years old at the time this chapter begins.
As also mentioned earlier, Arch-Bishop Ussher determined the Earth was 6,000 years old, and he dated the “flood” as having occurred in 2348 B.C.E. - doubtless his contemporary and fellow stat-geek, Sir John Light-foot, could have narrowed it down as to the time of day, but he didn’t offer that information and I didn’t ask.
Accepting this as completely established fact, it then stands to reason that we are, all of us - you, I, LL Cool J, George Lopez and Jackie Chan - direct descendants of those original three men. If they were Hebrew, so are we, but don’t expect me to suddenly rush out for a circumcision, cause that ain’t gonna happen!
As previously mentioned, the chapter begins with a gaggle of Jehova-Juniors beaming down to earth to troll the malls for Earthling nymphets. But sandwiched among those three verses, is another verse - completely out of context (but what else is new?) - that reads, Gen. 6:3: “Then the lord said: my spirit shall not always strive with Man, for that he also is flesh: yet His days shall be an hundred and twenty years.”
By implication, this god appears to be saying that he doesn't mind striving with someone who isn't flesh. There’s no indication as to where the reporter was hiding when He jotted down that remark. This section of the patchwork quilt concludes with the verse (6:4), related earlier, about there having been giants on the earth in those days.
There are some experts who believe the hundred-and-twenty year phrase to have been literal - that Man would no longer live for hundreds of years, but would settle in at a mere 120 - while others believe it meant another hundred and twenty years would pass before the holy hitman would massacre everyone. Flip a coin.
The next nine verses comprise a rant regarding how evil Man had become and how sorry this god was that he'd ever made us, which once again proves he was never omniscient, or he’d have seen it coming and saved us all a lot of trouble.
What is his obsession with controlling our behavior? If he is as superior to us as we are to ants, does no one ever wonder why we Humans don’t obsess over controlling the behavior of ants? I’m guessing it’s because we have better things to do.
So god regretted making Humans, and decided, in his infinite wisdom, to kill all of the other, totally innocent animals as well. He decided to flood the earth and destroy all life - I can imagine Flipper taunting (flippantly), “Hey, big guy - bring it on, let's see what you got!”
The imagination of this god seems severely limited - a species-specific virus would have resolved his Human problem without harming any other animals, but then, what would he do with the perfectly good, several-hundred-year old flood fable he had lying around, left over from Mesopotamia? Moses' ghostwriters, much like those who write for Network television, are rarely above recycling a good script.
But this god chose Noah to continue the species, though it isn't clear as to how he thought things were going to be any different a second time around.
Seriously, think about it - he began with Adam, fresh off the banana boat, totally pure and innocent, and in only ten generations (biblically-speaking), he had a world that, in his opinion, was so corrupt that it needed to be annihilated. It's like using an office copier - your original is perfect, but copy it, and you see a few flaws in the copy - copy THAT copy, and the flaws begin to multiply exponentially, the more you make copies of the previous copy. And this god clearly intended to start over using the tenth copy of a copy as his base. Someone once said that the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. I rest my case.
He created a covenant with Noah - a quid pro quo, so to speak - if Noah would perform a few minor tasks for this god, god would let Noah and His family live.
Noah and his construction crew
In the figure above, pay particular attention to that little, 18" X 18" window near the top - which, admittedly, is exactly according to the blueprints - as it will figure prominently in an upcoming chapter.
Then god instructed Noah, much as he had Utanapishtim, Atrahasis, and Ziusudra, hundreds of years earlier, as to how He should build an ark, giving precise dimensions, this time to include three-stories, a door, and the above-mentioned window. You have to wonder about a god who can create a universe, but can't zap an ark into being.
He explained his intention to destroy all life on the planet, specifically stating, (6:17) "...everything that is in the earth shall die."
But he told Noah that,
6:19 ...of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shall thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.He told Noah to stock up on food for His family and the animals, and Noah did everything He was told.
(6:20) Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.
A Man with a stronger backbone might have said, "No. I've already lived 600 years, and if you're so cruel that you can drown innocent children, then I'd rather die with them than live and serve you." But as we shall see, god's picks of the litter - his "Chosen Ones" - are based more on the pliancy, than the strength, of their backbones.
Mark Twain, in his book, Letters from the Earth, offered a description of what Noah’s animal collection effort must have been like:
“However the thing that really and finally and definitely determined Noah to stop with enough species for purely business purposes and let the rest become extinct, was an incident of the last days: an excited stranger arrived with some most alarming news. He said he had been camping among some mountains and valleys about six hundred miles away, and he had seen a wondrous thing there: he stood upon a precipice overlooking a wide valley, and up the valley he saw a billowy black sea of strange animal life coming. Presently the creatures passed by struggling, fighting, scrambling, screeching, snorting - horrible vast masses of tumultuous flesh! Sloths as big as an elephant; frogs as big as a cow; a megatherium and his harem huge beyond belief; saurians and saurians and saurians, group after group, family after family, species after species - a hundred feet long, thirty feet high, and twice as quarrelsome; one of them hit a perfectly blameless Durham bull a thump with its tail and sent it whizzing three hundred feet into the air and it fell with a sigh at the man’s feet and was no more. The man said that these prodigous animals had heard about the Ark and were coming. Coming to get saved from the flood. And not coming in pairs, they were all coming: they didn’t know the passengers were restricted to pairs, the man said, and wouldn’t care a rap for the regulations, anyway - they would sail in that Ark or know the reason why. The man said the Ark would not hold the half of them; and moreover they were coming hungry, and would eat up everything there was, including the menagerie and the family.I realize that it may stretch your imagination to believe that a minister could be duplicitous regarding what is or is not in the Bible, so I must be kind and attribute the following to his ignorance, rather than to his lack of honesty. I personally once heard one such pastor, in a church service, tell his congregation that the fossilized bones of millions-of-years old dinosaurs had been deliberately placed in the Earth when the Universe was created, some six thousand years ago, to test our faith - to see if we Humans would accept the words of the Bible over archaeological evidence.
“All these facts were suppressed in the Biblical account. You find not a hint of them there. The whole thing is hushed up. Not even the names of those vast creatures are mentioned. It shows you that when people have left a reproachful vacancy in a contract they can be as shady about it in Bibles as elsewhere. Those powerful animals would be of inestimable value to man now, when transportation is so hard pressed and expensive, but they are all lost to him. They all got drowned. Some of them as much as eight million years ago.”
That's how organized religions stay in business in the light of overwhelming scientific evidence that - by provable facts - refute the outlandish claims of those religions to feats of magic by their gods - they convince the gullible that if they choose to prefer fact over fiction, reality over fantasy, it's because their faith is weak.
So with the truth neatly tucked away and our disbelief firmly suspended, let’s take another look at the Bible.
And now, back to you, Noah --
pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx
Posted by archaeopteryx at 8/17/2011 6:28 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: religion Christianity Judaism Islam atheism Noah Ham Shem Japheth date of the "flood" Arch-Bishop Ussher Sir John Lightfoot Mark Twain dinosaurs biblical inerrancy biblical mythology
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: religion Christianity Judaism Islam atheism Noah Ham Shem Japheth date of the "flood" Arch-Bishop Ussher Sir John Lightfoot Mark Twain dinosaurs biblical inerrancy biblical mythology
This is one reason why it's so difficult to discuss (dispute) religion to those who are religious. Even with bucket loads of empirical data showing the earth's evolution, animal evolution, and inconsistencies in the bible, these people too deeply buried in their religious beliefs.
Reply to this
Why are they so deeply entrenched in their religion? They won't say, but I know one reason...Immersion. They want religion in the school system, religion in govt., religion in the courts. Then there's summer vacation bible school for each form of faith. What is really curious is many faiths have distinctive difference, but when it comes to vacation bible school, our children get invited to the methodist's, the baptist's, etc. Then there's the infancy immersion, baptism, saying crosses hung all over the nursery. I once had a girlfriend who told me she just couldn't wait to hear her niece say "baby jesus." At church we're told to spread the word, to perform our symbolic rituals in a "loud and proud way." The main purpose for this entire process is to insure that our children grow up as "believers." This tells me that our religious leaders, our parents, and all other adults following god must think that it's possible for children to grow up as non-believers. Why would a god who made us (created us, etc.) allow for us to grow up making the choice of believing or not? I've been told that it's a test of faith or something of that nature. I ask you this. Why all the games from this god? If he wanted believers all he would have to do is poof down in front of everyone, ever so often, introduce himself, ask for our allegiance, and maybe do a few miracles (just to be on the safe side). Why all the mystery? It's always been my belief that KISS works best.
Reply to this
Another sign of how Frail religious people are can be seen during those times when the pop culture becomes threatening to their beliefs. Remember all those worries about Harry Potter? Well, all the books have been written, the last two movies are coming out shortly and I've yet to see any elementary or junior high kids denounce their religious beliefs and strap on a wizards hat. For those even older, what about John Lennon. All he said was that the Beatles were more popular than god. What did those religious followers do? They created burning ceremonies to destroy any Beatles items there children had. I'm guessing that those millions of Beatles fans who are approx. who are in their 60s or 70s are just as much believers in god as they ever were. Again, if god is all knowing, all seeing, and creating, why should any religious adult feel threatened? Here's a better question. How would god view the faith of those adults who are worried their children don't grow up as believers? Wouldn't that be an indication that these adults are LACKING faith?
Reply to this
My own curiosity leads me to wonder if this need to surround themselves with a fortress of religion - or immerse, as you say - stems from fear, an effort to support - to shore up, if you will - their own faith in a world that, largely due to the advancements of science, has pushed religion's credibility almost to the brink of ridiculousness.
Reply to this
The overreaction on the part of the hard core Bible Thumpers, whose Christian ancestors brought us the long-running Spanish Inquisition Follies and the ever popular Salem Witch Trials, were doubtless responding, not only to John Lennon's comment that the Beatles were more popular than god, but also, I suspect, to Lennon's song, "Imagine" --
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
Reply to this
Actually Fizzbinn, a hopefully-soon-to-be subscriber emailed me a URL today to a fascinating article in the Boston Globe, entitled, "How Facts Backfire," by Joe Keohane that may give an insight into why that should be the case. To follow, are a couple of excerpts from the article, and below that, the URL to the entire piece, which I recommend reading to anyone with an interest in the subject.
"There is a substantial body of psychological research showing that people tend to interpret information with an eye toward reinforcing their preexisting views. If we believe something about the world, we are more likely to passively accept as truth any information that confirms our beliefs, and actively dismiss information that doesn’t. This is known as “motivated reasoning.” Whether or not the consistent information is accurate, we might accept it as fact, as confirmation of our beliefs. This makes us more confident in said beliefs, and even less likely to entertain facts that contradict them."
The article goes on to say that, "...if you feel good about yourself, you’ll listen — and if you feel insecure or threatened, you won’t. This would also explain why demagogues benefit from keeping people agitated. The more threatened people feel, the less likely they are to listen to dissenting opinions, and the more easily controlled they are."
Reply to this
So that's how Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh stay popular. Just keep the choir agitated.
Reply to this
Not to mention Bill O'Really and Ann Colder - so I won't mention them --
Reply to this